How did we not see this breakup coming? Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog have split after four decades together. They only got married a year ago, but this is sort of like Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria. They stayed together forever but just couldn’t dig marriage together. Perhaps he was threatened by her awesomeness, and she got tired of living with a clown. And I think I’m referring to both couples here.
The world seems crushed by this disastrous news, but I saw it coming. Remember a few months ago when Piggy received a feminist honor and shaded a certain “male chauvinist amphibian“? No one took me seriously when I said Kermit was always trying to steal Piggy’s sunshine. His mouth was always flying open on the red carpet when she should have been the rightful star. Piggy’s resentment built up so much, and those Rashida Jones cheating stories didn’t help. Here is the sad joint announcement from the divorcing couple:
Here is the official statement on @KermitTheFrog and moi's relationship termination: pic.twitter.com/0OAdorFV6S
— Miss Piggy (@RealMissPiggy) August 4, 2015
I guess we’ll have to wait for the tabloids to tell us what really happened to break up this marriage. Poor Piggy Botoxed herself to the hilt to impress Mr. Green, and he didn’t even notice. We could make a nanny joke here, but no kids (besides Kermit) are involved. Kaiser says she heard Piggy was banging Blake Shelton, but I think Kermit was no saint. Maybe they were both banging other animals, who knows? There are simply no guarantees in love.
Here’s the real bad news. One tipster says Kermit has already moved on with another pig.
Just in: Kermit is dating a new pig. Name's Denise. Works in marketing at ABC. #TCA15
— Joe Adalian (@TVMoJoe) August 4, 2015
Photos courtesy of WENN
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